 It has been a long time since we heard from Amir Fey Guttman, but now he is back with his debut album and has lots to tell about what he has been going through these last several years.
Years ago Amir Fey Gutman's mom was standing on her balcony in the city of Kiryat Haim hanging out wet clothes for drying and Amir, who came for a quick visit, told her that he wants her to help him buy a new car. She told him that she doesn’t have money for it now and that she prefers to keep all her savings for his wedding. He took a deep breath and told her that maybe its better to spend the money on something else instead of a wedding. She replied and said strongly, first of all your wedding then we can spend money on other things. Exactly at that moment after many years of keeping it inside he said to his mom loud, forget about a wedding! There isn’t going to be any wedding! Not with a woman anyway! After that came the recognition and the relief from his situation, he was finally able to tell the truth. Amir says that for years he was able to lie and confuse himself, but over 5 years ago he let it all go and finally let the truth out.
Amir tells: “To see your folks cry is really terrible. On the other hand, the moment had arrived that I told myself to stop all these lies and not to think about everyone's feelings, but only my own and start living my own life. I feel that I made a mistake by not telling them much earlier, this way I would have received their support much sooner like I do now. I also missed to many things in my life because of the lies and denial and eventually it exploded and came out”.
Q: What hold you back for so long?
A: Like everyone else, I too wanted to live the life everyone expected me to live, live the 'correct life'. In one of the songs of Asaf Amdurski, the late singer Inbal Perlamuter says, 'I Woke Up In A Certain Form', I can say about myself that I too woke up but to late. Its really hard for me that I missed out on some good years. The years where I could have had a serious relationship or maybe even fool around with guys, experiment, the prime of the life, I started living to late.
Q: Your mom has given up the dream of you getting married?
A: She doesn’t have to give up anything. Actually I’m dreaming of getting married for a very long time now. I’m not that young anymore, give me some more time and I will be married, but it wont be with a woman.
We know what all the readers are thinking; Amir was in a boyband, had his chest shaved, and eyebrows done, he appeared in musicals, he admires Ofra Haza, and he's a good friend of Michal Amdusrki, did anyone really think that a guy like that is fantasizing about Pamela Anderson or any other woman?
Amir says: “Yes the message was written on the wall. There is a limit to how much a person has to be told about someone else and help out to understand what someone else is. Between us, there is no big news here of me being gay although I have just confessed it now for the first time in the media. I am 31 and I look good, I guess there should be some hot babes hanging on my shoulders during this last decade but this didn’t happened. Also in my high school year book it's written about me that I will end up as a Chippendale dancer, and my stage I will do in a bed with Madonna, whoever wanted too saw the preliminary signs”.
Also with Amir the revelation that he is gay took sometime. When he was in high school he found out that he prefers to fantasize about his school mates instead of playing soccer with them or drink beers. He, like most of the young teenagers that find out that they are gay, tried to deny it and not believe it and hope it will change but for him there was no escape as after he finished his military service he was chosen to join the boyband "High Five" in 1996, which became a huge success although the critics about the band weren’t good at all. While young guys try to sort out their life and find themselves, Amir was busy singing on the stage songs like: Everybody Is Dancing Now.
Amir says: “When I joined "High Five" there was a big regression with my will to confront my inner self, I was so busy that I just didn’t have time to do anything about it or think about it well enough. It came to a situation that I was afraid to walk in the streets, not to mention hit on other men. I was trying to 'cure' myself from being gay, I was searching for a drop of sanity in all of the mess. On one hand I was one of the most popular and admired people that was dancing and singing just a moment ago, on the other hand I was totally shattered inside. I totally ignored my inner self, I did my best to deny to myself that I’m gay. I worked and performed a lot and kept myself busy with High Five and on the other hand I went out with all kinds of girls and slept with them although it wasn’t real and I knew I was lying to myself".
Q: Can you describe to us how you reached these situations?
A: It usually starts by drinking lots of alcohol at a party, its not that I suffered from sleeping with these women, but I didn’t enjoy it either. In the morning I use to wake up and remember what happened and I would get angry at myself for lying to myself and for lying and telling all kinds of stories to the women I slept with, and say to them that I’m leaving them because of me not them.
Q: And in your case saying these things wasn’t just an excuse.
A: Totally, it's me it's not you and trust me you don’t want to know the reason.
Q: What about men?
A: There was a period of 2.5 years in which I didn’t have any sex, well maybe few times here and there but nothing serious. At that time I also didn’t think to myself things like, hey he can be my boyfriend and I can live with him in the same house, it was totally technical, it was a period in which everything seemed illogical to me, bizarre. I didn’t believe that I could live with a man and be happy. I started dealing with it only after High Five broke up, when I look at pictures of myself from the period with the band I can see that I look miserable, those that didn’t see it or noticed were just blind.
Q: What could people see?
A: That I hated myself, my existence, I didn’t feel sexy, I didn’t feel good looking, I couldn’t understand what people were talking about. The long hair I had was to hide my face, the ring in my nose was to make me ugly, the beard to make myself look dirty, people were telling me how good I look but I just couldn’t feel it. I felt defected, not like everyone else, and I was asking myself; Why Me? And eventually after A long time I understood that that’s what I am and I have to live with it.
One look at Amir today and you see that now he's at another level of his life, a calm and peaceful one, not stressed and problematic like he was just few years ago.
Amir tells: “Your looking at a happy person! A person that can look into peoples eyes, a person that doesn’t have anything to hide anymore. Back then I wasn’t like this, I didn’t even want people to ask me how I’m doing. What really amazes me that during the entire period of High Five, no one came and asked me anything, no one spoke to me about my problem, I know there was lots of gossip behind my back but no one came to ask.
Q: Not even one?
A: There was one that dared, you know who she is? Efrat Raiten (Actress, Tv Host). I was performing with High Five in the Children's Festigal song contest and she was the only one that was able to ask me if I am gay.
Q: What did you answer her?
A: The truth. And by telling her the truth tears were falling from my eyes, I was crying from excitement that someone is finally talking to me about it. I told her I’m not living as a gay and that I am very confused about it all. Since then we are good friends, she is one of the only celebrities that will stay in my heart forever.
After Efrat the one that spoke to him about it and actually helped him out was Michal Amdurski the singer who was kind of a diva back then. They had the same management and met there at the office. From the first moment 2 things became clear. A: There is love and caring between them. B: Asaf Amdurski, Michal's husband has nothing to worry about.
Amir says: “I remember the first time we spoke and she started asking me questions, she saw I was miserable and she figured out very fast that I am gay. I also remember the first Friday she came to pick me up and took me to a gay party. She came with an ugly green jeep she had back then, and although I didn’t want to go she made me dress up and took me to the party, made me start enjoying my life, doesn’t matter now but that evening I was hiding a lot and didn’t believe I was at a gay party”.
Amir isn’t hiding anymore from anyone. For over 4 years now he has a partner and a boyfriend with whom he lives with, and wakes up next to, his name is Yanai Fisher who's 26 years old. He’s an ex model and an architecture student and met Amir as joint friends introduced between them.
Amir: “Falling in love took us a short time. I came emotionally crippled to this relationship and I had to teach myself to feel. You cant have a serious relationship if you’re closed within yourself and care mostly about yourself. Today I can say that Yanai is the love of my life, he took me forward, he had so much patience for me”.
Now Amir has a true love and less things to hide, he can finally take out his new album: "Honey In The Beehive". In many ways this album summarizes what he has been through these last years. It's not that he has gone through a musical metamorphosis, he hasn't. The songs on the album are light pop songs, the kind he use to make when he was in the boyband. Some of the songs were written by him, but most by various writers.
Amir says: “I’m not sure that every 4 year old child that liked back then "Everybody Is Dancing Now", will like each and every song from this album, but I can tell you about people I know well that were interested in the music of High Five and now when they listen to songs from the new CD they are all surprised. I didn’t make an album for the radio stations to like, I made this album cause I had to make it.
Amir returns and makes an album 7 years after his debut album "Mantra", which he made after High Five broke up. That album was recorded in Miami USA, it failed and vaporized, it was criticized badly by the music industry, and left the people yarning. That also gave Amir the chance to leave the music scene, he acted in the musicals: "Merry Lou" and "The Ugly Duckling" and later on used the money he made, on psychological treatments.
Even now Amir says that many people aren’t willing to accept him as a singer. He says that people are still judging him by the music he made with High Five, that goes back till 11 years ago. He feels that he is starting from behind and not at an even and equal level.
 Q: Why do you think that your starting from a minus point when talking about music critics?
A: Because many musical editors have a certain opinion about the music I can produce. They say to themselves, its again that dude from that silly boyband. But because they were against me I worked harder, learned more, in developing my voice, taking acting classes and so on.
Q: How do you explain that you’re the only member from High Five that was able to survive?
A: When the band broke up no one was willing to listen to us, but I was stubborn. You need lots of will power to keep on working. There is no scientific explanation to it, but from all the boybands around the world only one member makes it later in the music scene.
Q: So you’re the Robby Williams of High Five? About him they also say that he is still in the closet.
A: If that’s true I can understand why he is always at all kinds of rehabs and how he gets addicted so easily.
Q: What would you answer to all of those that would say that you come out now to the media with revealing that your gay exactly when your album is coming out?
A: There will always be people that will ask that and say why did he come out with it now. Rupert Evert said once, no matter what you’re always guilty. We are a cynical country, and if people want to see this as PR for the album, then let it be so.
Q: Because so many artists are out of the closet now and its nothing special anymore can you understand the popular music critic that said that he cannot listen to your CD because he doesn’t believe you have honest intentions?
A: I decided not to make music for the past 7 years, because I knew I will do it only when I will be complete with myself and I will have the strength to face the crowd. Everyone can do whatever they want, and those that want to live their life as a secret, its their problem.
Q: It doesn’t seem that your about to turn into the spokesman of the gay community?
A: I understand that its an important thing, but I have no intentions in doing so and I wouldn’t want to be their leader.
Q: You realize that right now you broke the heart and ruined the day for many of your young female teenage fans?
A: The experience I gained these last years shows that many women see it as a challenge, a challenge to change me and bring me back to their side, the straight side. I got more dirty offers since people know I’m gay than during all the years before.
Q: Where does your sir name come from?
A: I made the name out of 2 different names, Feyger was the name of my dad, and my grandfathers sir name was Gutman. His family were all murdered in the holocaust. People like to make fun of the sir name I have assembled and I know all the jokes by heart.
Q: Including Feigaley (a gay)?
A: Ofcourse! But lets say that the last time a good friend of mine called me that way, I told him it’s the last time you call me with that name, the next time you wont be able to call anyone anything.
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